Think Forward.

Les Aventures de Lavinia Merini - Deuxième Partie 1365

« Surtout, ne la stimulez pas trop ! » recommandait sans cesse le psychiatre qui suivait Lavinia depuis qu’elle avait deux ans. « Beaucoup de calme, voilà ce qu’il lui faut ! Et de l’exercice physique, des travaux manuels. Sortez-lui la tête de ses bouquins et ça finira par s »arranger ! » affirmait-il, sûr de lui, avant de reconduire, les poussant presque, les parents et la gamine vers la porte du cabinet huppé de Neuilly avec un soupir de soulagement, sans jamais dire au juste ce que c’était que « ça ». Comme tout s’imprimait en Lavinia comme en une pâte molle, elle retenait tout ; comme elle n’avait ni l’intelligence d’utiliser ses dons ni, ce qui est autrement plus grave, l’ambition d’en tirer parti, elle était à l’âge vénérable de douze ans une fillette accomplie sachant écrire, composer des vers, jouer du piano et du violon, monter à cheval, nager, coudre et tricoter et n’avait d’autre désir que d’être une héroïne de conte. Par ailleurs, elle écrivait des vers ronflants dans un style ampoulé, jouait joliment mais avec peu de patience, perdait des mailles et éreintait ses montures. Que le lecteur n’en veuille pas à Lavinia de n’être ni intelligente ni gentille, ni même intéressante. Adolescente, Lavinia était malingre, montée toute de guingois avec des bras immenses et des jambes très courtes. Il y avait encore en elle du singe et du fœtus mais comme on ne l’exposait jamais, au grand jamais, aux enfants de son âge, elle n’en sut rien pendant longtemps ou feignit de n’en rien savoir. Lavinia aimait d’autant plus les tableaux qu’ils lui rappelaient cruellement ce qu’elle voyait de sa laideur. Les belles dames des tableaux lui reprochaient impitoyablement le bombement grotesque de son front, ses yeux globuleux, ses lèvres qui se recourbaient respectivement vers un nez en trompette et un menton bulbeux que traversaient épisodiquement de douloureuses purulences. Le jour où elle vit qu’elle ne ressemblait plus au joli prince du souterrain, elle pleura parce qu’elle se sur irrémédiablement bannie de la cour qu’elle s’était forgée en ses irréels désirs. Il y aurait un bien triste roman à tisser des lamentations muettes de Lavinia mais retrouvons-la où nous l’avons laissée, devant le thé à présent presque tiède dont elle avait bu les deux-tiers. Lavinia n’avait jamais rencontré Henry Charles Selwyn, qui signait « Charles » les lettres électroniques au français impeccable que Lavinia recevait régulièrement depuis deux mois. Le prévôt de Saint Agnes College, sir Cecil Dawnson, ancien chimiste un peu farfelu et passionné de génétique, était décédé ; on avait nommé, pour lui succéder, Helena Macpherson, professeur émérite en littérature française du XVIe siècle. Suite à une concaténation de promotions, Charles Selwyn, chargé d’organiser l’enseignement des Modern Languages, avait recruté Lavinia au pied levé pour lui confier les heures d’enseignement qu’il ne pouvait plus assurer. C’était elle qui l’avait d’abord contacté au sujet d’un article qu’il avait écrit, puis elle avait été fascinée par la réputation de Saint Agnes College, le dernier college de l’Université d’Oxford à n’accueillir que des jeunes gens mais où les femmes enseignaient en vertu d’une tradition recouvrée durant les années 1970 alors que l’un après l’autre, les colleges d’Oxford devenaient mixtes. À Saint Hilda, à Sommerville, à Lady Margaret Hall, on s’inquiétait autant de la déferlante de joues picotées de poils et d’acté qu’on craignait, à Oriel et à Christ Church, l’invasion juponnière. Peu à peu Oxford se féminisa ; les tuxedos que portaient les jeunes gens sous leurs gowns côtoyèrent la chemise blanche au col un peu entrouvert et la jupe un peu trop courte des étudiantes ; au reste, la tenue formelle n’était plus portée que pour les solennités de la matriculation, des examens et des remises de diplômes. Dans la tourmente, Saint Agnes tint bon ; et comme un dernier pied-de-nez à la mixité générale, parce que Saint Agnes était un ancien couvent proche des Carmes et des Dominicains, on y nomma en grande pompe les premières female fellows d’Oxford. Lavinia remâchait cette histoire, tentant de s’imaginer ce que devait être cet ancien cloître, le dernier où ne résonnassent que des voix de garçons et où pourtant les femmes régnaient encore, mères-abbesses de monastère double, supérieures de ne gouverner que des hommes, avec des hommes. En sortant du café, elle lança un regard au miroir puis baissa les yeux pour ne pas trop voir l’affolement de ses mèches brunes sur son front trop gras, les angles un peu trop nets du menton et de la mâchoire sur un cou un peu trop maigre, l’évasement meringué de ses jupes qui faisait sa taille trop fine et ses épaules trop tombantes. La serveuse, la saluant, sourit à la jeune femme à l’accoutrement anachronique, étrangement belle avec ses grands yeux d’un brun strié de jaune ; et comme Lavinia lui rendit son sourire, la serveuse, hésitante puis tout à coup saisie, se retourna vers son collègue et murmura : « Lavinia Merini ! » En traversant High Street, Lavinia n’était plus, d’une extrémité à l’autre de ses mains moites, qu’un tas de nerfs et d’angoisse guidé par des yeux un peu exorbités de crainte de manque l’étroit St. Agnes Passage, entre Oriel Street et King Edward Street, juste en face de Saint Mary. Escortée de ses deux valises, Lavinia n’avait qu’une conscience vague, strictement cérébrale, d’être à Oxford. Un portier précédait Lavinia à travers les volées de marches où le pas s’amuïssait sur un épais tapis. Lavinia n’avait pu qu’entrapercevoir la fontaine représentant Sainte Agnès, entre les quatre parterres de pelouse, le mur de grès du Hall qui se découpaient en ciselures de cire pâle crénelée entre le plomb du ciel et le vert sombre des pelouses. Contre le mur, des rosiers continuaient de pousser leur fleurs dépenaillées et l’une d’elles, la moins abîmée, avait salué Lavinia avec condescendance pendant qu’une tortue hochait obséquieusement la tête. Au bout de l’escalier, le portier ouvrit une pièce, annonça qu’il allait se charger des valises puis disparut. Assise à l’extrême bord d’un profond fauteuil, Lavinia tâchait de garder immobiles, collées à ses genoux, ses mains un peu trop moites. Était-ce le bureau de Charles Selwyn ? La salle était grande et sombre malgré les quatre hautes fenêtres qui se faisaient face, deux à deux, séparées par d’épais rideaux confondus avec la tenture d’un vert bleuâtre. À travers les rideaux alternaient les minces bandes d’un papier peint vert-de-gris strié de brun. Dans la cheminée ornée de cadres, un feu couvait sans bruit entre des blocs de charbon. Une horloge sonna, en chuintant, trois heures ; tout de suite, ce fut le concert des cloches et des carillons qui, de chaque tour, s’élançaient vers les nuages en se mêlant aux sifflements du vent entre les fenêtres mal jointes. Miss Merini, pardon de vous avoir fait attendre !
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GRIMMS’ FAIRY TALES - THE GOLDEN BIRD [1/2] 1511

A certain king had a beautiful garden, and in the garden stood a tree which bore golden apples. These apples were always counted, and about the time when they began to grow ripe it was found that every night one of them was gone. The king became very angry at this, and ordered the gardener to keep watch all night under the tree. The gardener set his eldest son to watch; but about twelve o’clock he fell asleep, and in the morning another of the apples was missing. Then the second son was ordered to watch; and at midnight he too fell asleep, and in the morning another apple was gone. Then the third son offered to keep watch; but the gardener at first would not let him, for fear some harm should come to him: however, at last he consented, and the young man laid himself under the tree to watch. As the clock struck twelve he heard a rustling noise in the air, and a bird came flying that was of pure gold; and as it was snapping at one of the apples with its beak, the gardener’s son jumped up and shot an arrow at it. But the arrow did the bird no harm; only it dropped a golden feather from its tail, and then flew away. The golden feather was brought to the king in the morning, and all the council was called together. Everyone agreed that it was worth more than all the wealth of the kingdom: but the king said, ‘One feather is of no use to me, I must have the whole bird.’ Then the gardener’s eldest son set out and thought to find the golden bird very easily; and when he had gone but a little way, he came to a wood, and by the side of the wood he saw a fox sitting; so he took his bow and made ready to shoot at it. Then the fox said, ‘Do not shoot me, for I will give you good counsel; I know what your business is, and that you want to find the golden bird. You will reach a village in the evening; and when you get there, you will see two inns opposite to each other, one of which is very pleasant and beautiful to look at: go not in there, but rest for the night in the other, though it may appear to you to be very poor and mean.’ But the son thought to himself, ‘What can such a beast as this know about the matter?’ So he shot his arrow at the fox; but he missed it, and it set up its tail above its back and ran into the wood. Then he went his way, and in the evening came to the village where the two inns were; and in one of these were people singing, and dancing, and feasting; but the other looked very dirty, and poor. ‘I should be very silly,’ said he, ‘if I went to that shabby house, and left this charming place’; so he went into the smart house, and ate and drank at his ease, and forgot the bird, and his country too. Time passed on; and as the eldest son did not come back, and no tidings were heard of him, the second son set out, and the same thing happened to him. He met the fox, who gave him the good advice: but when he came to the two inns, his eldest brother was standing at the window where the merrymaking was, and called to him to come in; and he could not withstand the temptation, but went in, and forgot the golden bird and his country in the same manner. Time passed on again, and the youngest son too wished to set out into the wide world to seek for the golden bird; but his father would not listen to it for a long while, for he was very fond of his son, and was afraid that some ill luck might happen to him also, and prevent his coming back. However, at last it was agreed he should go, for he would not rest at home; and as he came to the wood, he met the fox, and heard the same good counsel. But he was thankful to the fox, and did not attempt his life as his brothers had done; so the fox said, ‘Sit upon my tail, and you will travel faster.’ So he sat down, and the fox began to run, and away they went over stock and stone so quick that their hair whistled in the wind. When they came to the village, the son followed the fox’s counsel, and without looking about him went to the shabby inn and rested there all night at his ease. In the morning came the fox again and met him as he was beginning his journey, and said, ‘Go straight forward, till you come to a castle, before which lie a whole troop of soldiers fast asleep and snoring: take no notice of them, but go into the castle and pass on and on till you come to a room, where the golden bird sits in a wooden cage; close by it stands a beautiful golden cage; but do not try to take the bird out of the shabby cage and put it into the handsome one, otherwise you will repent it.’ Then the fox stretched out his tail again, and the young man sat himself down, and away they went over stock and stone till their hair whistled in the wind. Before the castle gate all was as the fox had said: so the son went in and found the chamber where the golden bird hung in a wooden cage, and below stood the golden cage, and the three golden apples that had been lost were lying close by it. Then thought he to himself, ‘It will be a very droll thing to bring away such a fine bird in this shabby cage’; so he opened the door and took hold of it and put it into the golden cage. But the bird set up such a loud scream that all the soldiers awoke, and they took him prisoner and carried him before the king. The next morning the court sat to judge him; and when all was heard, it sentenced him to die, unless he should bring the king the golden horse which could run as swiftly as the wind; and if he did this, he was to have the golden bird given him for his own. So he set out once more on his journey, sighing, and in great despair, when on a sudden his friend the fox met him, and said, ‘You see now what has happened on account of your not listening to my counsel. I will still, however, tell you how to find the golden horse, if you will do as I bid you. You must go straight on till you come to the castle where the horse stands in his stall: by his side will lie the groom fast asleep and snoring: take away the horse quietly, but be sure to put the old leathern saddle upon him, and not the golden one that is close by it.’ Then the son sat down on the fox’s tail, and away they went over stock and stone till their hair whistled in the wind. All went right, and the groom lay snoring with his hand upon the golden saddle. But when the son looked at the horse, he thought it a great pity to put the leathern saddle upon it. ‘I will give him the good one,’ said he; ‘I am sure he deserves it.’ As he took up the golden saddle the groom awoke and cried out so loud, that all the guards ran in and took him prisoner, and in the morning he was again brought before the court to be judged, and was sentenced to die. But it was agreed, that, if he could bring thither the beautiful princess, he should live, and have the bird and the horse given him for his own.

THE ENCHIRIDION - I 1400

There are things which are within our power, and there are things which are beyond our power. Within our power are opinion, aim, desire, aversion, and, in one word, whatever affairs are our own. Beyond our power are body, property, reputation, office, and, in one word, whatever are not properly our own affairs. Now the things within our power are by nature free, unrestricted, unhindered; but those beyond our power are weak, dependent, restricted, alien. Remember, then, that if you attribute freedom to things by nature dependent and take what belongs to others for your own, you will be hindered, you will lament, you will be disturbed, you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you take for your own only that which is your own and view what belongs to others just as it really is, then no one will ever compel you, no one will restrict you; you will find fault with no one, you will accuse no one, you will do nothing against your will; no one will hurt you, you will not have an enemy, nor will you suffer any harm. Aiming, therefore, at such great things, remember that you must not allow yourself any inclination, however slight, toward the attainment of the others; but that you must entirely quit some of them, and for the present postpone the rest. But if you would have these, and possess power and wealth likewise, you may miss the latter in seeking the former; and you will certainly fail of that by which alone happiness and freedom are procured. Seek at once, therefore, to be able to say to every unpleasing semblance, “You are but a semblance and by no means the real thing.” And then examine it by those rules which you have; and first and chiefly by this: whether it concerns the things which are within our own power or those which are not; and if it concerns anything beyond our power, be prepared to say that it is nothing to you.

THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SAWYER - PREFACE 1488

Most of the adventures recorded in this book really occurred; one or two were experiences of my own, the rest those of boys who were schoolmates of mine. Huck Finn is drawn from life; Tom Sawyer also, but not from an individual—he is a combination of the characteristics of three boys whom I knew, and therefore belongs to the composite order of architecture. The odd superstitions touched upon were all prevalent among children and slaves in the West at the period of this story—that is to say, thirty or forty years ago. Although my book is intended mainly for the entertainment of boys and girls, I hope it will not be shunned by men and women on that account, for part of my plan has been to try to pleasantly remind adults of what they once were themselves, and of how they felt and thought and talked, and what queer enterprises they sometimes engaged in. THE AUTHOR. HARTFORD, 1876.

THE MEDITATIONS - Book I.[1/3] 1516

1. I learned from my grandfather, Verus, to use good manners, and to put restraint on anger. 2. In the famous memory of my father I had a pattern of modesty and manliness. 3. Of my mother I learned to be pious and generous; to keep myself not only from evil deeds, but even from evil thoughts; and to live with a simplicity which is far from customary among the rich. 4. I owe it to my great-grandfather that I did not attend public lectures and discussions, but had good and able teachers at home; and I owe him also the knowledge that for things of this nature a man should count no expense too great. 5. My tutor taught me not to favour either green or blue at the chariot races, nor, in the contests of gladiators, to be a supporter either of light or heavy armed. He taught me also to endure labour; not to need many things; to serve myself without troubling others; not to intermeddle in the affairs of others, and not easily to listen to slanders against them. 6. Of Diognetus I had the lesson not to busy myself about vain things; not to credit the great professions of such as pretend to work wonders, or of sorcerers about their charms, and their expelling of Demons and the like; not to keep quails (for fighting or divination), nor to run after such things; to suffer freedom of speech in others, and to apply myself heartily to philosophy. Him also I must thank for my hearing first Bacchius, then Tandasis and Marcianus; that I wrote dialogues in my youth, and took a liking to the philosopher’s pallet and skins, and to the other things which, by the Grecian discipline, belong to that profession. 7. To Rusticus I owe my first apprehensions that my nature needed reform and cure; and that I did not fall into the ambition of the common Sophists, either by composing speculative writings or by declaiming harangues of exhortation in public; further, that I never strove to be admired by ostentation of great patience in an ascetic life, or by display of activity and application; that I gave over the study of rhetoric, poetry, and the graces of language; and that I did not pace my house in my senatorial robes, or practise any similar affectation. I observed also the simplicity of style in his letters, particularly in that which he wrote to my mother from Sinuessa. I learned from him to be easily appeased, and to be readily reconciled with those who had displeased me or given cause of offence, so soon as they inclined to make their peace; to read with care; not to rest satisfied with a slight and superficial knowledge; nor quickly to assent to great talkers. I have him to thank that I met with the discourses of Epictetus, which he furnished me from his own library. 8. From Apollonius I learned true liberty, and tenacity of purpose; to regard nothing else, even in the smallest degree, but reason always; and always to remain unaltered in the agonies of pain, in the losses of children, or in long diseases. He afforded me a living example of how the same man can, upon occasion, be most yielding and most inflexible. He was patient in exposition; and, as might well be seen, esteemed his fine skill and ability in teaching others the principles of philosophy as the least of his endowments. It was from him that I learned how to receive from friends what are thought favours without seeming humbled by the giver or insensible to the gift. 9. Sextus was my pattern of a benign temper, and his family the model of a household governed by true paternal affection, and a steadfast purpose of living according to nature. Here I could learn to be grave without affectation, to observe sagaciously the several dispositions and inclinations of my friends, to tolerate the ignorant and those who follow current opinions without examination. His conversation showed how a man may accommodate himself to all men and to all companies; for though companionship with him was sweeter and more pleasing than any sort of flattery, yet he was at the same time highly respected and reverenced. No man was ever more happy than he in comprehending, finding out, and arranging in exact order the great maxims necessary for the conduct of life. His example taught me to suppress even the least appearance of anger or any other passion; but still, with all this perfect tranquillity, to possess the tenderest and most affectionate heart; to be apt to approve others yet without noise; to have much learning and little ostentation. 10. I learned from Alexander the Grammarian to avoid censuring others, to refrain from flouting them for a barbarism, solecism, or any false pronunciation. Rather was I dexterously to pronounce the words rightly in my answer, confining approval or objection to the matter itself, and avoiding discussion of the expression, or to use some other form of courteous suggestion. 11. Fronto made me sensible how much of envy, deceit and hypocrisy surrounds princes; and that generally those whom we account nobly born have somehow less natural affection. 12. I learned from Alexander the Platonist not often nor without great necessity to say, or write to any man in a letter, that I am not at leisure; nor thus, under pretext of urgent affairs, to make a practice of excusing myself from the duties which, according to our various ties, we owe to those with whom we live. 13. Of Catulus I learned not to condemn any friend’s expostulation even though it were unjust, but to try to recall him to his former disposition; to stint no praise in speaking of my masters, as is recounted of Domitius and Athenodorus; and to love my children with true affection. 14. Of Severus, my brother, I learned to love my kinsmen, to love truth, to love justice. Through him I came to know Thrasea, Helvidius, Cato, Dion, and Brutus. He gave me my first conception of a Commonwealth founded upon equitable laws and administered with equality of right; and of a Monarchy whose chief concern is the freedom of its subjects. Of him I learned likewise a constant and harmonious devotion to Philosophy; to be ready to do good, to be generous with all my heart. He taught me to be of good hope and trustful of the affection of my friends. I observed in him candour in declaring what he condemned in the conduct of others; and so frank and open was his behaviour, that his friends might easily see without the trouble of conjecture what he liked or disliked.