The Darkest Hour in a Man’s Night
I have experienced many kinds of emotions and feelings throughout my life which, by human standards, has not been a short one. Nowadays, life expectancy is much better than it was a few decades ago, which in a way encourages me, knowing that I may still have a good amount of time to accumulate more of those feelings and emotions I mentioned. And yet, like everyone else, I do not know how much time I have left before my mission in this dense plane in which we live is brought to an end.
However, I can state without the slightest shadow of doubt that I have now reached the peak of my dark night of the soul. At this moment, I am discovering that we can always endure more adversity. When I thought I had reached an extreme situation, I realized that this “extreme” could stretch even further. I confess that what feels strange is that I am still able to withstand so much pressure, of course, based on my own experiences. My mind constantly pushes me to think that there are people in far worse situations than mine, but one thing is certain: each person knows their own pain. We should not measure who is suffering more, because even if we try to describe in the greatest detail what we feel, we will never truly be able to convey it to someone else. In the same way, no matter how hard someone tries to describe their pain, we will never be able to feel it as they do. That is a fact, even though our minds always try to comfort us, or even reprimand us, for complaining. Well, at least that is true for honest and fair-hearted people.
All of this leads me to a reflection: how much pressure can a man endure? Frustrated initiatives, betrayals, lack of support from some of the most important people in his life, not only a lack of moral support, but often discouragement, a lack of faith in his attempts, especially in his intentions. It is deeply disheartening, because where you believe you will find a point of support, you discover a void, without even a single “edge” to hold onto, or that patch of vegetation at the edge of the abyss that could be your last resort to keep from falling.
And yet, this man, without any clear explanation, manages to extract even more strength to keep going, almost as if he were squeezing a piece of stone and the smallest drop of water accumulated in its microfractures were to flow from within. And where does the strength come from to find this extra reserve of energy? Well, if we are speaking of a just and good-hearted man, that strength comes from the simple image of the most precious thing he may have built in his life, in my case, my children. It is enough just to look at them, especially when they do not realize that I am watching. In those moments, many things pass through my mind, and there is a true mixture of feelings, most of them feelings of love, but also feelings of concern, to the point of feeling a tightness in my throat, almost blocking the passage of air, and immediately a sensation as if I were lying down with a block of granite on my chest, which, besides hurting from its weight, further restricts the expansion of my chest, preventing me from breathing in fully.
As it is often said, the darkest hour of the night comes just before dawn. In the same way, when a forest grows denser and more closed in, it means we are nearing its edges and about to find our way out. This is my moment. I still have enough strength to know that I must be, very likely, just a few moments away from the dawn, or having to open one last passage through the dense vegetation before finally leaving this forest.
However, I cannot be hypocritical and pretend to be that super-confident person with unshakable faith, because we all have uncertainties, and when things truly tighten, you realize that merely being optimistic does not solve the situation. Only the one who feels the pressure truly knows it. No matter how good the intentions of those on the outside may be, there is no way to feel what the one in the eye of the hurricane is feeling.
And in this case, the only thing left is to stay alive and continue searching for strength, I do not even know where, but it is almost like performing magic, knowing that most likely, the only support you will receive is moral support, because the material support you will have to produce yourself.
